Gastrogasms: When Food Is Better Than Sex

405 E 6th St, New York, NY 10009 (map)

"Now, I've heard all that talk about the aphrodisiac qualities of red meat, and its hot-blooded connoisseurs, but I have been a vegetarian my entire life, and have yet to meet the carnivore whose food-lust rivals my own. Vegetarianism need not equal deprivation, and if you are among those who subscribe to that misguided equation, then take thyself to Caravan of Dreams. I haven't been drinking the Kool-Aid (green juice?) when it comes to the raw food trend, so I avoid the "live" half of the menu, but I pine for the Unchicken Nachos, and am regularly distracted (during sex and otherwise) by fantasies of their Santa Maria Stir Fry?a perfectly seasoned orgy of veggies and tender seitan, which rests on a plate half-slathered in pesto, half in hummus. Can you say Caravan of wet Dreams?"

54 E 1st St, New York, NY 10003 (map)

"Brunch is one of the sexier meals in a given week. Food tastes about ten times better after sex, so even a mediocre brunch plate benefits from its proximity to the sex you probably had on Saturday night. Mmm, I love you eggs Florentine, I mean, sweetheart! But what if you aren?t in a position to get that hot sex on Saturday night? Just run over to Prune for brunch on Sunday and you?ll feel as if you had. When I tasted the fried oyster omelet with hot sauce, I swear at that moment I would have pushed any lover out of the way to get to the next bite. And another lover to get to the bite after that. And I love sex! But I think I love that omelet more."

68 5th Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11217 (map)

"Convivium Osteria's ribeye for two is both better than sex and worth the trip to Brooklyn. And since you're sharing it in the intimate atmosphere at this hidden-away restaurant, you might actually feel like having sex afterward. Unless you're like me and eat so much you couldn't possibly move, much less have sex. The duck raviolis are also can't-miss."

12 E 12th St, New York, NY 10003 (map)

"I always feel like a hedonist when I go to Gotham Bar and Grill. The tuna tartare is a burst of flavor to awaken my senses and leave me wanting more. I love the crab risotto because it just melts in my mouth, and their roasted lobster is one of my favorite indulgences when I'm celebrating something. As cliche as it might sound, their bananas and cream dessert is divine. But let me tell you what I really love about Gotham--the service is impeccable. And I'm a girl who appreciates being served properly."

50 Clinton St, New York, NY 10002 (map)

"For me, the place is wd~50. A meal there has everything you'd look for in a dude you'd want to bone: It's beautiful, creative, smart, interesting, and willing to take risks. In fact, the way Wylie Dufresne's food uses innovative techniques and surprising flavor combinations to engage with all of your senses and force you to really concentrate on each bite, it's sort of like it's flirting with you. Is that a creepy thing to say? It is? Okay. Please don't ban me from your restaurant Mr. Dufresne. I promise not to get fresh with the transglutaminase."